Category Archives: Family

Financial Health for Kids

Some recent financial troubles in my home made me realize that I wanted to teach my children how to live life well by giving them the gift of financial health. By managing my own finances wisely, I could pass this valuable lesson on to my children. I needed to get my own affairs in order, first! After attending a financial health class, I remember painstakingly cutting up all of my credit cards and creating a list of debts to hang on the refrigerator. As I paid off each debt, I crossed it off. It was a visual for the entire family to see, and a very powerful tool.

I needed to do more than model for my children, though. There’s a Native American saying I used as a guide: “Tell me, and I’ll forget. Show me, and I may not remember. Involve me, and I’ll understand.”

By having my children work and get paid, I am involving them and teaching them about the value of saving and spending wisely. Our kids are now required to put 50% of any money they get from gifts, chores or other things into their own savings account. There was a lot of groaning at our house, at first, but in July I started to match what my children are putting into their accounts and they are excited to see their balances grow. Children of all ages can benefit from these kinds of activities!

Give 3-to-6 year-olds small, manageable chores. Instruct children to return their toys to a designated basket at cleanup time. At this age, pay them immediately. This provides instant positive reinforcement and young children are more willing to do the chore the next time. Small children learn to save and spend money with visual aids. Using a clear container for their money allows them to see savings go up as money goes in, and when spending their money, they see their money go down.

For 7-to-12-year-olds, a chore list with an assigned dollar value to the specific chores works well. At this age, pay day should be once a week when the work is completed. Older kids can also be given two envelopes to divide money earned between spending and saving.  Spending at this age fosters problem-solving skills because they learn to spend their earned money differently than money just given to them.

Which isn’t to say that some chores aren’t completed without pay! My kids are part of our family and expected to contribute, but I take advantage of the many teachable moments that are offered by compensating my children for performing some tasks around the house. And they’ve learned! When I use my debit card to pay for something instead of cash, my kids bust me every time. I can always rely on my children to be my financial compass, and I do the same thing for them. When they want to go out for dinner or buy something we can’t afford, like a new cell phone, we always look at their savings and our family budget. When the money’s not there, I love to blame it on the budget.

And when they ask me to put some more money in the budget? I tell them to head out back and shake the money trees in the yard! We were living paycheck to paycheck, but now we have a plan and we regularly see the results of our efforts as a family.

- Diann

Photo courtesy of Carissa Rogers.

A New “Baby” in the House

From the moment we find out we are pregnant, we start planning and dreaming about what our baby is going to be like. Who will he look like? What name will suit her? Will I work or can I afford to stay at home? Can I afford quality child care? One thing is certain, a baby changes everything!

I feel a little like a new mom with my “fourth” child: a new puppy. Not unlike a surrogate mother, our breeder kept us anticipating the arrival, sending weekly posts with pictures. We weren’t sure which pup we would end up bringing home but we were already planning how wonderful he would be.

On the first night in his new home, Elvis gave me a taste of having a very needy newborn again. I had been asleep for about two hours when he whimpered and whined to get out of his bed. I hesitated, wondering whether to get up or roll back to sleep. Just like a baby, I thought, on his own schedule rather than mine!

Like a baby, too, Elvis is busy exploring his world, sometimes with disastrous consequences. Not only did we witness him swallow a sock, he produced another one, as well as a furry shoe insole! Babies will put anything they can find in their mouths! Keeping Elvis calm on the way to the vet reminded me of the many coping mechanisms I used to use in the car with my children, sitting in the backseat with them in rear-facing car seats, tapping their pacifiers to help them feel comfortable. Do they make pacifiers for puppies?

But there are real joys to having a “baby” in the house, too. Just like we hope parents do with human babies, I get down on the floor and play with Elvis at his level. I’m consistent with him when he needs discipline, and I follow his cues for meal times and “potty training.” At the end of the day it’s important to remember that with parenting it’s not the planning, the expectations or wondering about the path not taken. It’s about enjoying the journey you’re on.

- Debbie

Photo courtesy of smlp.co.uk.

Education is the Answer

After reading an article in the Middletown Journal about the cost of keeping track of sex offenders, and a local child care administrator who kept descriptions of nearby offenders in her program, a friend of mine asked, “Why would the administrator put herself out there on the front page of the paper?” To me, the answer is obvious: to protect children!

I think it’s wonderful and absolutely courageous that the child care program administrator keeps a record of neighborhood sex offenders for her staff, and I hope she shares the list with parents, as well. As the state attorney general counsel stated in the article, sex offenders are likely to offend again, and especially in their own neighborhood! After all, statistics show that most offenders are someone the child knows, loves, or trusts.

As a parent, I certainly want to know where the sex offenders in my neighborhood live, and I do take precautions. I check the county sheriff’s list, though it’s important to keep in mind that the sex offenders listed there are only the ones that are registered! What’s a parent or child care provider to do to continue to be vigilant and educated on preventing child sexual abuse?

The national Darkness to Light campaign asserts that assault against children is an adult problem. Their trainings help to empower parents and child care providers, and are offered nationwide for as little as $10. Darkness to Light projects that every adult that attends a training will help protect ten children in the years to come! What’s that compared to the physical, emotional and literal costs of child sexual assault on our children and communities?

Assault against children is a crime based on secrecy. People like the child care program administrator mentioned in the Middletown Journal article are not afraid to stand up for our children, and we shouldn’t be, either!

- Debbie

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

We often avoid the outdoors in winter, nestled by the fire with our hot cocoa and a good book. But think about what we’re missing! Outdoor play in the winter, when dressed warmly and appropriately, can be an adventure.

Don’t just build a snowman. See how creative your family can be! Try building a fort or an entire snowman family. Go sledding down the backyard hill. Or, just go for a walk to glimpse the beauty of icicles hanging in the tree branches. No snow?  Explore the different types of trees, and how differently they look in the winter. Go cloud gazing, pointing out the different shapes. Collect pine cones and make a bird feeder.  What kinds of animals do you see playing in the cold?

We all need to get outside to burn energy and use our muscles, and fresh air is a must all times of year! Studies have shown that contrary to the common belief that exposure to cold air causes us to “catch a cold,” it’s more likely that spending long periods of time in small, poorly ventilated areas is the culprit. In fresh, outdoor air, the chance for spreading infection is reduced.

Not only is outdoor time a good practice for families, it’s also good for children in child care situations. While adults that have to bundle up twelve preschoolers to take them outside for playtime may be grumbling as they look for hats and mittens, 4C early childhood specialists agree that the benefits are worth it!

It is up to the child care provider to monitor the weather conditions and make sure our children are safe but there are precautions that can be taken. Some states have even adopted a green, yellow or red guideline system for teachers to use when determining if it’s too cold for kids to play outside. I encourage you to ask how much time your children are spending outside in their child care programs!

So dress appropriately, hydrate yourself and your child and get out there and have some fun!

- Debbie

Photo courtesy of Belzie.

I Got a Kitty Cat for Christmas!

Back at Thanksgiving, I blogged about how a kitty cat was at the top of my daughter’s Christmas wish list. At the time, my husband and I were still discussing whether or not she and our family were ready for a pet. Though the final decision required much deliberation and a little disagreement, an adorable female calico kitten joined our family a few days before Christmas Eve.  Liv was rendered joyously speechless when I walked into the house with the pet she had been   longing for in my arms.

As a matter of fact, I cried when I first saw her myself. I’m biased, but I think her picture speaks for itself. I’ve saved this one as my computer backdrop. In short, I’m as in love with her as Liv is. Now that I have her, I realize how much I missed having a pet in the house. Much of the holiday was spent with each of us holding her and watching her play. The way she has brought our family together makes it feel a little more like a home.

Skylar not only looks like a lady, for the most part she acts like one. She’s sweet, gentle and loving. If you ask nicely, she’ll give you a kiss with her sandpaper tongue. If you aren’t paying her enough attention, she’ll lay a paw on your arm to get it. She’s an utter cuddle cat. Unless there’s food around. Then she morphs into a manic cat on a mission. In a flash she leaps from chair to chair onto the kitchen table on the quest for a nibble of whatever her humans are eating.  “What? I just want a sip,” she’s saying in the above shot.

Finding ways to manage this one quirk in Skylar’s behavior is all a part of the adjustment process for our family. Thankfully, the concerns about whether my younger children could care for and treat a pet responsibly and respectfully have not been much of an issue. So far, they’re doing well. I suspect it’s because they are now old enough to fully understand the expectations. And the consequences if they aren’t kind to the cat (they had to wait almost two years before we tried having a pet again after our first failed attempt).

Unfortunately, we are having some issues with how the older boys treat the cat. Despite the fact that they obviously adore her, they don’t seem to be able to approach her without assuming a menacing crouch or making hissing noises. When they do pick her up, they tend to hold her high above their heads like they’re about to drop her. Confused and more than a little perturbed by this, I asked them not to do it. One response was, “We always did this with our other cats. They liked it.” Somehow I doubt that.  Now I’m doing a little challenging behavior management with them and coaching them on how to play with Skylar in a way that is not only fun for them, but for her too.

One of the reasons I felt so strongly about the children having a pet was that I believe there are valuable lessons to be learned from being responsible for the well being of another living creature. I’m discovering that these lessons aren’t just for young children. Sometimes older children have to learn appropriate behaviors or unlearn inappropriate ones as well.

Being given this valuable opportunity to help my stepsons develop their nurturing side is another reason I’m so glad Liv got a kitty cat for Christmas.

- Tammi

Enjoying the Present

As I sat to write this bChristmas Eve by Jim Pennuccilog, I struggled to find inspiration.  This somewhat shocked me as I imagined that coming off of a very busy holiday weekend, I would have some astounding words of wisdom or at least a controversial issue to share.  Instead, I find that I am feeling full.  Full from cookies, fudge and candy canes; full from family and friends; full from laughter and full from time with children.  And as I sit here feeling very full and content, I am recognizing that this has not always been the case.  I remember holidays when pressure or upheavals with family or friends left me feeling unhappy, disappointed or anxious.  But not this year!

So what made this year different?  What contributed to the ease and contentment that I feel?  One key factor is that I am truly blessed with lots of friends and a very close immediate and extended family.  Another factor is that I am fortunate to be able to be generous to those I care about.  And I think the last key factor is that I recognize what I can control and choose not to give much energy to that which is out of my control – this has been something I have truly learned over time!  And I think it’s this last factor that probably has made the greatest impact on my holiday success.

In previous years, I think my efforts had been to try to make a “perfect” holiday.  I would focus on the right gifts, the right wrapping, the right food and the right people at the party.  I probably spent so much time “thinking forward” that I missed out on the moments happening around me.  I would be so worn out and tired that by the time the holiday hit I was too exhausted to really take part.  But somehow this year, it was different.  Oh, I still shopped and baked and decorated, I just allowed myself to stay more present in the moment.  I controlled what was happening at that moment versus fretting over what might or might not get done.

To be present in the moment, I had to be in touch with what was happening around me and how I was feeling.  I also needed to maintain a level of flexibility.  If I was running behind schedule, I changed my expectations.   If I planned to bake, but didn’t feel like it, I gave myself permission to do something else on my list.  I continued my workout routine to make sure I felt good and tried to make sure I remained well-rested.   And I must say, somehow it worked.  By the time the holidays hit, what was important on my list had gotten done.  I was ready – well wrapped, well rested and at ease.

Last night I was with a group of working moms who were talking about how hard it is to “get it all done.”   Clearly the holidays add even more items to what seems to be an ever-growing list of things that have to be done.   And though I think they would argue with me, I would dare say that they would feel more at ease and successful if they stayed in the moment and focused their efforts on what is in their control.   Would everything always get done?  No.  Would everything get taken are of that was important at that moment?  Yes.

Staying present in the moment and putting energy into only what you can control, is a skill.  It takes practice and time to master.  This doesn’t mean you don’t set goals or expectations, it just means you adjust that way in which you achieve what in the end is most important.

- Carolyn

Photo courtesy of  Jim Pennucci.

Resolving to Be a Better Parent

I can hardly believe 2011 is nearly over. I usually don’t make New Year’s resolutions. My logic? Why waste the energy on something I know I have reneged on over the past several years. It did occur to me this year that I could resolve to do something that would benefit my children, like be a better parent in 2012! But how?

As I researched on how to demonstrate my best intentions, I found a series of questions on resolutions for parents. I was looking for answers, and here were a few things other parents hoped to accomplish.

Spend more time with my children. Aren’t they with me all of the time already? I drive them to practices, take them to church, to the grocery and on weekends we are doing activities or running errands together. My husband wonders why my car is always trashed.  Maybe because we live in my car!

Treat my children better. How does a mom do that? They have everything they need and a lot of stuff they don’t.

Demonstrate more love and kindness toward my children. More? I am overflowing with love and kindness. Maybe they can implement this one toward me?

Make sure my children are properly educated. Okay, I’m terrible at math and don’t remember my French, but I do help with homework most nights, provide them with trips to the library and have shelves overflowing with books.

It seemed to me after reading these few resolutions that I had already mastered everything about becoming a better parent. But then I read the last question.

“Why is making resolutions as a parent important to you?”

Parenting is ever-evolving and something we will never perfect, and that’s important to remember. We all have different parenting styles and at times it can be trial and error. Just as we are all different and unique, so is each of our children. Parenting is the hardest job in the world and while some days we may not feel appreciated, one day our children will recognize our hard work.

Maybe making a resolution as a parent this year isn’t such a bad idea after all. What’s yours?

- Debbie

Photo by Jonas Seaman.

Santa Has Elves, We Have Retailers!

Last Friday, after an emotionally charged day, I headed out of the office and straight for my favorite retail stores for some Christmas shopping therapy. Whether receiving an emotional boost or making a dent in their children’s lists to Santa was the goal, lots of people had the same idea. As we did a crazy consumer dance in every aisle to let one person past, in or out, I remarked to one woman, “It sure doesn’t look like we’re in a recession.” Several people heard my comment and agreed with it. From there I headed to another store where I checked out at close.

On Monday morning, while picking up my daily skinny vanilla latte at the local coffee shop, one of the girls who usually serves me (and who I’d bumped into on Friday night with my overflowing cart), asked if I was done with my shopping. “Almost,” I replied. “But I did some serious damage, not only to the list, but to my wallet!”  The other barista behind the counter chimed in the conversation with, “The news reported record breaking sales over the last six days.” Hmm, so I wasn’t the only one who’d broken the bank playing Santa instead of tightening my purse strings during this tough economic period. I have a feeling many parents feel the way I do: Anything for my children.

Knowing why I spent so much money didn’t stop me from fretting over it a little. Why do I feel compelled to get my children every single item on their lists even if I can’t really afford it? I was still pondering this question when I sat down for a workshop entitled “Poverty and Relationships: Working Toward Success” later that afternoon. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, I would get an answer for my question.

It goes back to my childhood. I grew up in poverty. Yet my mother spent  ridiculous amounts on my brother and me at Christmas. She didn’t make much money but ran her credit cards up to their limit then paid for her extravagance all year. Why? Because as we learned in the workshop, one of the driving forces for those in poverty is relationships. Providing those materials things was a way for my mother to express love. And even though I would be considered middle class, recession or no, a pile of presents beneath the tree is also my way of expressing love to my children. That and the fact that they still believe in Santa and wouldn’t understand why he had to cut back this year due to the economy. Hence the record breaking sales.

Unlike my mother, I don’t max out credit cards because I don’t have any. This keeps me out of real financial dire straits: If I don’t have the money, I can’t buy it, no matter how much my children may want it. Still, since Christmas and birthdays are really the only time I give them gifts (non necessities) and I don’t have a workshop to produce them in, I’m grateful for everyday low prices, discounts and sales.

As parents there are countless ways to express our love, and I choose to express mine in this particular way.  Of course just as each parent must decide which holidays to observe/celebrate, each must determine when enough is enough regarding spending. A parent’s willingness or ability is subjective and should be respected by others who do things differently. I’m  grateful that while I figure out the right balance for my family,  certain stores make the process more affordable.

If you’re anything like me, Santa can have his elves. We’ll take retailers!

- Tammi

Photograph courtesy of Bill Roehl.

Little Moments

I recently had the opportunity to attend a reading party with families from the West side of Cincinnati. This event was hosted by 4C for Children in collaboration with Read Aloud.org. The message delivered at the event was simple – parents can impact their children’s literacy and success in school by reading out loud. Parents who attended were encouraged to read aloud fifteen minutes per day with their children on their lap. During the event parents and children moved to different reading stations where a book was read and parents and their children participate in an activity that related to the book. Hopes were

that the stations would help parents see how reading aloud and interacting with their children through books benefits their learning and development.

Throughout the entire event, there was an air of excitement and joy. Parents and children eagerly moved to each reading station, listened to the story and together participated in an activity or craft. I watched one little boy learn to use scissors for the first time. After listening to a story about trucks, his mother helped him cut out a picture of a dump truck and glue it to a stick. Once done, the boy immediately jumped up, held his truck in the air and yelled,  “Look, I did it! I did it all by myself!”

At the next station I noticed a mother with her four sons. They listened intently to the story and were instructed to put a bus together. The mother gathered her sons at a table and had each child take part in putting the bus together. There was a sense of connectedness as they worked as a family, each doing their part, each waiting their turn and all working together.

So often we hear about what goes wrong in a family – the parents that struggle and the children who are harmed or who lose their way. Often parents are blamed for what they do wrong or are judged for the poor decisions they make. But at this event, I observed a lot of parents doing it right by taking the time to be in the moment with their children. Books and activities were not only used to improve their children’s literacy and learning – but as a way to connect.

At the end of the event, parents were encouraged to stand up and make a pledge that they would read aloud to their children each day. And I feel sure that many of the parents who came to the event will do just that. But I also think about the deeper learning that came out of that event: the importance of getting on the floor, being with your children and accomplishing a task together.  It may seem small to help a child use scissors for the first time or help children work cooperatively together, however, it is my opinion that it is in these very moments that we can each be the parent we really want to be.

- Carolyn

The Power of a Helping Hand

You’ve probably heard the saying that “a kind word or a helping hand can go a long way.” For any of us who have ever been in need, we can testify that this saying is true. Krista Ramsey, a Cincinnati Enquirer columnist, recently wrote an article in response to the death of a local child due to abuse and neglect. Ms. Ramsey writes that “we can do more than mourn,” and challenges readers to their part to fight or eliminate child abuse. She contends that most abuse or neglect occurs during times of stress, when parents’ desperate attempts to meet the needs of their family fall short. Ms. Ramsey encourages us to reach out to an isolated parent, provide a kind word to a parent who is overwhelmed or share our own experiences with a parent who seeking some guidance. And I must say I agree with her.

Parent Cafés hosted in Cincinnati’s western communities provide parents with an opportunity to come together and share their worries, ideas and accomplishments. At these events I have witnessed the transformation of many parents. Parents who have felt alone, overwhelmed and devalued leave these events feeling connected, reassured and valued. And what is offered at these events is not a parenting curriculum; it is not tips of what to do or what not to do as a parent. Instead it is parents reaching out to each other. Parents sharing what has worked for them, what they need and what community resources they have found helpful. Each time I attend a Parent Café, I am astounded by parents who are caring, insightful and resourceful. Parents who are willing to give to one another and are also willing to reflect on what they will do differently in order to be the kind of parent they want to be.

I am sharing my experience with you not as a means to market Parent Cafés (although I do think they are fabulous!) but to demonstrate the power that a kind word or helping hand. Over the past few weeks, we have been flooded with images and descriptions of child abuse following the local death of 2-year-old Demarcus Jackson and the national attention on the sex abuse scandal at Penn State. Everyone has questions: How could an adult ever treat a child that way? How did others, aware of what was happening, not come forward? Why do these things continue to happen?

As with so many other tragedies, what is often the hardest to accept is the feeling of powerlessness that occurs in the aftermath. The feeling of hopelessness, that we as a society have not been able to eliminate these tragedies from occurring to our children. But Ms. Ramsey has it right: we do more than mourn. We are entering our holiday season, a perfect time to not only be thankful for what we have but to pay our gratitude forward. I can reach out to my neighbor who is lonely, I can offer a kind word to an overwhelmed parent in the grocery store and I can share my blessings with others. Maybe I cannot impact all of society but I can affect my piece of it, and I know for a fact that a kind word or a helping hand can go a long way. How about you?

- Carolyn

Photograph courtesy of sparky_vision.