4C was recently contacted by Channel 9 News to get our opinion and advice to assist parents with one of the hardest decisions a parent must make…what age can I leave my child alone. School age children begin to insist they are old enough to stay home alone. With the down turn of the economy, many parents have faced challenging child care options. Seeking advice on when is the right time to leave a child alone is a smart option.
There are a few things to consider. Each child is different. One child may be ready to be home alone at the age of 12 and another child may not be ready until the age of 14. “The decision about whether your child/children are ready for self-care is a continuing process rather than a singular event.” It will begin with allowing your child to be left alone for short periods, a brief 20 minutes while you run a short errand. The process is one of developing skills in your child and increasing confidence in the parent- with frequent monitoring of the self-care arrangement. Please consider the following tips when preparing to leave your child home alone:
- Can your child lock and unlock doors and windows unassisted
- Can your child tell time
- Can your child recognize danger or a dangerous situation
- Can your child solve conflicts without adult help
- Does your child have a sense of security and confidence
- Does your child have the skills to handle boredom and fear
- Does your child handle personal responsibility
- Does your child understand expectations
- Is your child willing to stay home alone
- Will your child seek help from another adult if the need arises
A few other options to consider are safety of your home, a list of emergency phone numbers, who is allowed in the home with your child/children, responsibilities for your child, cooking guidelines, telephone and door guidelines and overall communication.
School-age child care professionals differ on if and when self-care is appropriate. Neither 4C nor any school-age professional can decide what is safe or appropriate for your family or your children. The information provided in this blog or our website @ www.4cforchildren.org is just a guide to use as you consider , evaluate or prepare for self care in your home. The final determination of whether or not, or when to leave school-age children home, unattended by an adult, is the full responsibility of each parent.
View full article on CincySchoolZone.com
Watch the 4C for Children interview on WCPO
Karen
Standing in line at the movie theatre recently, I listened to a mother tell her son “no” four times as we stood in a very short line to purchase our movie popcorn. It went something like this …”No, you can’t buy candy!”…. “No pinching mommy!”…. “No, you can’t go in the game room without a parent!”….”No, we are not buying a soft drink, we are drinking water!” The mother turned and commented to me, “I have turned into the mother I swore I would never be–”The No Queen!” With a little research, I have found many articles on this very subject and are quite helpful. Jane Nelsen, author of Positive Discipline for Preschoolers, states “Over-using the word ‘No’ tells a child, ‘Don’t explore, don’t touch, don’t experiment and don’t take risks!’” That’s not to say you should stop correcting your children or setting limits, however, your task is to think of ways to mean “no” without actually saying it. Let’s examine a few new strategies:
- Try Saying “Yes” Instead. Re-phrase what you are trying to say. For example, “Yes, you can go outside after you put away your Legos.” Doesn’t that sound better than “No, you can’t go outside until you put away your legos”? Turning a negative into a positive sounds much better and will have a much bigger impact on your child.
- Say What You Really Mean. The word “no” is too vague for children. It does not tell a child what you do want them to do. The adult needs to provide an action. If a 3-year-old runs into a street after a ball, it’s better to shout “Stop!” This lets a child know what you want he or she to do. This method works–and not just with dangerous situations. For example, “Please stop throwing food on the floor!” works better than “No throwing food on the floor!”
- Tell Kids What They Can Do. Children need information. Tell a child what they can do before telling them what they cannot. For example, your child is jumping on your new couch. You are tempted to shout, “No jumping on the new couch!” But, the problem isn’t jumping; it’s where they are jumping. So instead, give another option you’re okay with such as ”You can jump on the floor or jump off your climber in the yard.” This approach works wonders. It will enable you to defuse tantrums and arguments on a daily basis.
With less whining, fighting, and bad behavior (and fewer consequences), any situation can be become better for the child and the adult. Without being told “no” every other minute, a child’s confidence is re-built and a parent is more at ease with decision making.
–Karen
Quality really matters in child care. This week a widely-reported new study shows that the quality of child care has effects that persist into adolescence.
Teenagers who had been in higher-quality care were less likely to report problem behaviors such as arguing, being mean and getting into fights. Teens who had been in low-quality care settings were found to have more obedience and academic problems that persisted through age 15.
The research was based on 1,300 children in a federally-funded study. The researchers collected information about the type and quality of care the children received birth through age 4½. All types of care were included from parents, to nannies, to child care centers.
This study speaks to the importance of making sound choices for child care. So what’s a parent to do? Take the same approach as buying a car: study up on makes and models, read Consumer Reports and take a few test drives. Then make a choice.
Translated to child care: learn the indicators of quality care, get a checklist, visit and observe, check for quality indicators such as accreditation or a state star rating. For child care checklists and further information visit: www.4cforchildren.org/Parents/ChoosingQuality.
–Elaine
Posted by 4cforchildren on Monday, May 17, 2010 10:00 AM
Children lose self control–in grocery stores and doctors’ offices, on playgrounds, at school and even at home. What is the right response from a parent or teacher?
I am often asked if “time out” is a good response. Is it a “punishment:”?
All discipline should be viewed not as a punishment but rather as a way to help children gain (behavioral) control and express feelings appropriately. The length and type of a “time out” should always depend on the developmental stage of the child and should be modified to suit a particular child’s needs. A child should always know that there will be an end to the “time out.” Most children over age 3 are helped by having the time out timed in a visible way, e.g., with an hourglass-shaped timer.
“Time out” can be harmful if used as a punishment, or if it separates the child from adult caretakers in ways that cause the child to fear being abandoned. So never leave a young child alone without assurance that an adult is present. And keep “time outs” short.
Good caretakers set clear limits and assure children that adults will help them by taking charge of any out-of-control behavior until the child can regain his or her own control. When “time out” is offered in a spirit that respects developmental needs, it can work well.
Karen
Posted by karen on Monday, February 22, 2010 8:48 PM
Children bite for a variety of reasons. When young children lack skills and strategies to communicate their feelings and needs effectively, this becomes a way of expressing frustration.
Young children are telling us what is happening to them as they grow. Infants may be telling us that their mouths hurt from teething. Toddlers may be telling us that they need to be in a space that encourages them to move around, explore, and learn abut their environment. Preschoolers may be telling us that they have seen or experienced biting and want to try it out.
Biting can also occur as a result of environmental conditions. Crowded, noisy, bright, or overstimulating environments may confuse or overexcite young children. Child/adult ratios that do not allow for close supervision can be unsafe and stressful. Learning materials, activities, and adult expectations that do not match children’s abilities, learning style or temperament may frustrate young children. Changes in the environment or routines that are not sensitive to young children’s needs can be upsetting. Schedules that do not match children’s needs may cause anxiety or boredom.
What is a child trying to tell us through biting?
Biting behavior can provide clues to how children are feeling and what they need from their environment to be successful Powerful emotions are difficult for young children to manage and express. These emotions may include: anger, frustration, excitement, fear and anxiety.
When educators and parents understand what children are trying to tell them, they increase the chances of preventing and appropriately responding to biting behavior. Provide teething toys to relieve pains. Provide opportunities to move and explore independently, and to make choices. Allow a child to eat when hungry, sleep when tired, sit on your lap, or have enough time to finish an activity. Acknowledge children’s frustration and give them the words to express their feelings. Model the appropriate words to ask for something. Provide consistent, nurturing relationships with responsive adults. Recognize when children are unable to manage a situation on their own and intervene in a calm and caring manner.
Remember to create environments that match children’s individual developmental needs and interests. Keep routines simple and consistent. Limit the number of transitions for children and remember to give children an alone space and time for rest and relaxation. Biting is usually a phase and shall pass in due time!
–Karen
Posted by karen on Monday, January 04, 2010 10:24 PM
Why is play such a big part of most early childhood programs? It’s the foundation for planning, flexible thinking, strengthening memory skills, problem solving, self-control, persistence, the ability to use symbols, and much more. It’s clear: when you watch children play, alone or with others, you’re watching development occur. When you support and encourage play, you’re helping development occur.
Look around…you might even spot a local expert on play sitting under a kitchen table. That’s where I found my daughter at the age of three playing with some toy animals and a cake pan. After numerous minutes of watching the horse, zebra and giraffe all take a drink from the cake pan…I observed the following:
*practiced planning as she decides where each animal will stand. *used flexible thinking as she solves the problem of making the giraffe stand up. *memorized the original order of the animals and recreated it after moving them. *engaged in symbolic thought and representation by pretending the cake pan is a pond and the toys are real animals. *strengthened her self-control and her ability to be persistent by overcoming her annoyance at the giraffe.
Early childhood programs take play seriously for a good reason…play is important! Karen
Posted by karen on Monday, November 09, 2009 10:48 PM
One of the hardest things teachers have to do is sit down with a parent and deliver bad news. One of the hardest things parents have to do is hear it. Whether your child seems to be having trouble learning, is thought to have a serious speech delay, has out-of-control behavior, or needs to be referred to a specialist for testing–the news is hard to take.
After you get home and have time to think, you may begin to question what you’ve been told. Teachers understand that the business of growing up is uneven for most children. They tend to appreciate each child’s individual pace and know it takes a long time to grow and learn. Teachers are teachers, not medical doctors, speech therapists or psychologists. They can not and should not diagnose. Working with children gives them insights, and they are usually accurate. But even if a teacher’s insight proves to be wrong, understand that the teacher had an obligation to point out a concern to a parent.
The end result can be positive. If a teacher suggests something is wrong, check it out. Seek professional guidance and take the steps to correct a potential problem for your child. Keep in mind, that no matter what you find out, one thing won’t change. Your child is still the same child you loved before you heard the news–and always will be.
Posted by karen on Friday, October 30, 2009 10:29 AM
Little children are natural interrupters. Even polite children interrupt. They just don’t seem to care–or at least that’s how it can feel when you’re trying to have a conversation with another adult. So how does a parent help a child learn not to interrupt?
It helps to think about why they do it:
Children interrupt because they aren’t adults yet. They simply can’t hold back the way adults do. Waiting patiently for a turn to speak takes a tremendous amount of self-control-something that emerges slowly.
Children need to know why. Waiting to speak is based on realizing that other people have a need–and a right–to have their ideas listened to. Adults understand that. Children, however, need an explanation. Expect to explain more than once. Children take in concepts a little at a time.
Children sometimes interrupt because they’ve been interrupted. It’s true that children repeat themselves. It’s true that you often know what they’re going to say before they say it. It’s true that some days they just jabber endlessly. To a parent, cutting off a child’s meaningless chatter may not seem like much of an interruption. But it does to your child. And it teaches children how to interrupt others.
So remember these basic tips: As self -control grows, interruptions will diminish. Time is on your side. Consider your child’s ability to understand when you set your expectations. Give your child simple reasons for not interrupting. Often your best solution is a few minutes of being close. Offer your lap. Sit together in a big chair. Give a hug. In other words, enjoy some uninterrupted time with your little interrupter.
Posted by karen on Monday, October 19, 2009 12:16 PM
Parents are sometimes surprised to learn that their child care program doesn’t celebrate Halloween. Why won’t they allow costumes and let the kids have some fun, they wonder. Are these child care providers spoil-sports, or are there good reasons for their policy?
While not the biggest issue in early childhood these days, consider this: Halloween can be very frightening to children under 5. While costumes and make-believe are fun for older children and adults, this can be downright scary for younger children who can’t yet separate fantasy from reality.
Though Halloween is widely accepted as a secular activity by most, it does conflict with the religious beliefs of some families. So programs are being respectful of the diversity of the families they serve when they limit celebration of holidays to those that are strictly secular.
If your program is one that chooses to celebrate Halloween, consider discussing with the director or caregiver how he or she will take steps to avoid frightening experiences. One simple precaution is to not allow masks and to keep costumes limited to simple dress-up items. Better yet, consider a no-Halloween policy! posted by Elaine Ward
This fall the hibiscus which stands alone by my front door was amazing. It bloomed a dark reddish-blue color that seemed different from past seasons. It was tall, with the bloom maybe 6-8 inches across. The sad part is that the flower only bloomed 1-2 days-after all that watering and fertilizing.
This got me thinking about children and what it takes to make them bloom, how precious time is when we are working with our children to make the most of each minute as these little ones are soaking up knowledge. Their brains are busy building connection that will affect the rest of their lives.
The big difference is that when we cultivate and enrich a child’s joy of learning, that a child will bloom for more than 1-2 days. Our hope is that a child will bloom for a lifetime! Enjoy this beautiful season of change and embrace this season as a time for learning and new experiences. Take whatever time it takes to water and fertilize your precious child.
Posted by karen on Tuesday, October 13, 2009 12:16 PM
